I have writing this blog for so long, several years - and I feel I have say too much over and over and over and over again.
I am now mentally exhausted, and like many amazing exited women have come to wonder if we just communicating with a brick wall.
Yes, most who read me would named themselves as abolitionists - but do you truly hear and honour exited women.
Brilliant Rebecca Mott is speaking for all of survivors here:
But there was a part of me … that was reaching for another life – that found it loved Phillip K Dick. I found his universe made sense of my prostituted soul.
Another brave, honest post from extraordinary survivor writer Rebecca Mott. Here’s an excerpt:
When exited women speak of trauma – they speak of be utterly lost to how humans communicate, lost to the simple routines of being human, lost to be outside the role of appearing human.
It is trauma that is embedded in us – and we have learnt to be like a human, but only as androids are in a Phillip K Dick short story.
I learnt to be human by copying.
It is why I love films, it is why I read fiction, it is why I love to be in a crowd – it is why I am watcher.
I can repeat the actions of what I think it must be to be human – but more often than not, I do so without emotion or able to stop the emptiness inside in me.
I have no idea what it is to be unique – for by copying and being the role that pleases, I have no idea if I am any more than an empty shell.
With the logical side of my brain, I know I am more than a copy, more than a role – but there is always the constant fear that I still am nothing but what makes others feel makes me human.
Many years ago I read or had read to me by a punter – ”Do Androids Dream of Sheep”.
At the time, it was the beginning of a small voice saying you are more than a role.
Read the rest of this powerful piece at Rebecca’s blog www.rmott62.wordpress.com.
Rebecca Mott has a powerful new post up on her blog. She speaks about the disappeared and murdered women in prostitution. The sex industry ruthlessly covers this up. Almost every survivor know this. She asks readers to see themselves when they think of prostitutes. Please. Please. We implore you. See us. Put yourself in that room with us. Acknowledge our humanity. As Angel K recently wrote, “I am a human being and I deserve more.”
Here’s an excerpt from Rebecca’s post:
The punter can and does harm the prostitute for he views it as a non-event, he is just getting his money-worth.
Now remembering that – look clearly into what is wrong with indoors prostitution.
One myth that makes me sick is the myth that only street-based prostitutes get murdered.
There is no truth to that – for all prostitutes can be murdered, there is no safe place or standard of prostitution that stops those murders.
Most prostituted women and girls who were murdered after being picked on the streets are killed indoors.
They are killed in the punter’s living space, they are killed in hotels, they are killed above clubs.
If they are killed outdoors it is in secluded places, abandoned buildings or cars.
They are not killed in the public gaze, and they are thrown away.
Prostituted women and girls who work indoors live with the reality of being murdered, or knowing many prostitutes disappear as well.
Christ, being murdered or disappearing from prostitution is equal opportunities whether you are on the street or indoors.
The major difference with indoors prostitution is not the scale of deaths – it is how efficient the sex trade is at making all those deaths invisible.
All murders of indoors prostitutes are cleaned up in-house, or if it is seen by outsider is made out that it was some random sick punter or the prostitute did not keep herself safe enough.
I have never met any long-term prostitute from any form of prostitution – who did not know of prostituted women and girls who have disappeared or were most likely are dead.
We live with the disappeared each and every day – but we also live with being told it must be safe.
We fight for abolition to give those ghosts some real justice.
Please don’t sit on the fence, and allow more ghosts to be made.
Survivor Rebecca Mott has a powerful new post about International Women’s Day up on her blog. She says she can’t celebrate International Women’s Day until trafficking/prostitution becomes a central issue in the women’s movement, not a sidebar. She can’t celebrate until survivors are allowed to lead the anti-trafficking movement. Many survivors feel the same. Here’s an excerpt of her ice clear post:
I cannot celebrate as prostitution and violence inside porn becomes just an appendix to the feminist revolution – or our lives and truths are just viewed as a terrible example, but ignored for it’s too big to deal with.
I cannot celebrate when always voices of amazing exited women are side-lined in the campaign for abolition – our voices are made statistics, made part of some academic book, used as quotes – we are spoken over, spoken through, and spoken around.
I cannot celebrate until the abolitionist movement put the voices and writings of exited women in a leadership role – we are not your token prostitute, we will not be treated like pets.
I cannot celebrate as every day I feel in my gut what is happening in hotels, in flats, on the streets – that so many walk pass and say is normal.
…..
I cannot celebrate when all round images of the prostitutes are just the happy hooker or the dead victim – there is no reality to these images, and they drown out any truths spoken.
I will celebrate IWD – when all prostituted women and girls have complete freedom, are give a voice, and are made fully human.
I cannot celebrate until then.
Read more of this post at Rebecca’s blog.
If the sex trade supporters were so sure that prostitution is non-violent and women-friendly – then their tactics would not be so personal and vicious. — Rebecca Mott
Since we began this group blog of Survivors Connect writers two weeks ago, many of us have been barraged with abusive comments, emails, facebook posts, instant messaging and Skype calls. The attacks are vicious and designed to scare us. The creeps make it clear that they are from the sex industry lobby or that they are pimps or Johns. It’s a potent reminder of how dark the sex industry, how willing it is to brutalize anyone who goes against its interests.
Rebecca Mott writes brilliantly of this in a new post on her blog titled Methods of a Pimp-Mind. Here’s an excerpt:
Many of the ongoing attacks on our works are done from the mind-set of the pimp.
That mind-set is often voiced by women, or at least those who claimed to be women, obviously on the net I have no idea if they are or to be honest really give a damn.
A common and regular approach is to feigned concern for our mental welfare.
This is not because it is considered that the sex trade as an institution is built on destroying the mental welfare of the prostituted class, not because these attackers thinks living inside torture may affect the prostituted class.
No, instead they keep on the personal level, saying we must have major mental health issues or be too delicate/fragile to cope with prostitution, or now being in the outside world.
This is laughable – for I have never meet or know of an exited woman or the vast majority of prostituted women and girls who do not have a huge amount of inner strength and force of will.
It is not weakness or even the individual woman’s mental welfare that cause the violence that is the norm in all aspects of prostitution – it is the punters who makes the choice to be sadistic to the prostitute, it is the sex trade profiteers who makes the prostituted class so sub-human that all violence is acceptable, and it all those who turn a blind eye to destruction of the prostituted class.
To focus on the individual prostitute’s mental welfare is a distraction and used to say it is her fault, and make the male violence invisible.
But with the attackers it is always more vicious than that.
The reason they focus on an exited woman’s mental state – is to prove she is deluded, she cannot really know the truth.
It is to get evidence to show she must be a liar.
Now if the sex trade supporters were so sure that prostitution is non-violent and women-friendly – then their tactics would not be so personal and vicious.
The Terrifying Mundane
Rebecca Mott has a bold and mesmerizing new post up. She writes of the deadness so necessary to survival when one is prostituted — how violence and brutality feels so ordinary that, as she puts it, even hell is boring. Here’s an excerpt:
The years that others framed as adult prostitution – in that framing it all become my own good or bad choices, it is framed that an adult prostitute must want it if she does not walk out, and of course it always framed that all prostitutes are just dirty whores who are addicted to nasty sex.
In that frame – all violence is made into glamour, all degradation is chosen, and all fear is said to be fake.
In that frame, truth is abandoned in case it drives the prostitutes into self-harm or suicide.
I want to attempt to reach into the middle of that time – as it was, not how others wanted it be, not with my own safe hindsight – but inside that middle.
My middle like the millions of the tortured was mainly full of deep boredom, endless repetitive ways of being sexually tortured, and long times of forcing my mind to block my reality.
My middle is full of short moments of finding I has some humanity left – moments connecting to as song in the background, moments walking back at night and enjoying the silence of a city, moments when my mind was saying “enough already” but still my body was being tortured.
They were the moments that were the force that made the person who now writes this blog. I could do nothing to save my young adult – but now in this writing all I can do is repay her intense courage and strength of will by writing as close to her truths as I can.
I do not write just for my self and my past – I write for the millions of adult prostituted women who are abandoned because it is decided they must have chosen their lifestyle. I write for those abandoned prostituted women closed behind wall in indoors prostitution.
I write to make the invisible visible – and to say just stop turning your heads and consciences away from these women. As you decide they must be alright – they are being routinely raped, they are made into living hard-core porn, they are mentally abused till their sense of self is destroyed, and they murdered on a scale that you choose not to imagined.
You’ve heard of the Oracle of Delphi? Well Rebecca Mott is the Oracle of Prostituted Women. Her diamond-clear, diamond-sharp voice inspires survivors everywhere. Here’s an excerpt from the latest post up at her blog:
I spend a lot of energy trying to express what it was to be inside indoors prostitution.
I write in many ways, I speak out for many audiences – but always it can feel to me that I skimming the surface – always keeping the listener and/or reader inside their comfort zone.
Doing that, I find the screaming of my truths get little release. It is crafted into a language that fits pre-conceived views of what it is to be prostituted.
I want to burst out – but I have no road map. All I have is a small window to view who I was – and more important what prostitution made me into.
I want to write without protecting myself from the ugliness of that time.
For through that shit I grow a diamond that made a memory and record of that time – it made able to write beyond fear, write into and through the confusion.
And most of all, I have the power to write with the cold eye that shows as much as I can take – leaving room for real life in my present.
Yes, writing to the truth does make me sick, and on occasions so scared that I remembered why I fall in love with death – but to censor or close out those truths, will slowly destroys everything that makes me a full human.
This blog is now my mission – it not a choice any more, it a part of the drive to true freedom for all prostituted women and girls everywhere.
Image via Wikipedia
The brilliant Rebecca Mott’s clear, piercing voice feels like an oracle for prostituted women. She has a new post up on her blog called “Looking for Unicorns” which takes on the ridiculousness of two ciphers the sex industry uses constantly in its attempt to silent survivors: the “good punter (John/customer) “and the “happy hooker.” Here’s an excerpt:
You will abandoned the prostituted, or they get in the way of your rose-tainted scenery. For that I will damned you to hell.
One myth of the good punter is the concept that punters will say (report) and even stop if there are prostituted women in danger, if he sees a prostituted woman may be trafficked, that the prostitute is under-aged, that the prostitution is run by crooks.
This is utter bullshit – but it is nice to believe such rubbish.
Punters know and don’t care that all those types of prostitutes are easy to access. Most punters see and hear the prostitutes being beaten, raped and mentally tortured – even if he make the choice to be “gentle”, he is in the environment where he has full permission to be sadistic.
I hate to burst your balloon – but if punters do report abuse or trafficking, it is usually to save his own skin in fear of being arrested or having his name known. He would have fucked the prostitute before he chooses to report it – he gets his money worth.
There is no such thing as the good punter – for if a man has “good” in him he would not even think to buy a prostitute for his selfish sexual wants.
Rebecca Mott has another brilliant post up. I love her crystal clear vision. Here’s an excerpt:
It not that she is a victim – rather she made to be controlled and manipulated until her sense of self has nearly disappeared.
We must use language that makes loud and clear the destruction of her essence – for me, prostituted woman expresses what I was and how it was never my fault, but always a pre-planned scheme to mould me into a hell and makes me believe it was my choice.
To say I was prostituted – it to lay bare the blame squarely onto the sex trade profiteers, onto each and every punters that made the choice to consume me – and most important to place the blame at all those in power who do nothing to end prostitution, and by doing nothing condone the destruction of the prostituted class.
stellamarr