Dublin Call Girl writes about the toll of online stalking and hate. Sex industry pimps’ and buyers’ viciousness online makes it tough for prostitution/trafficking survivors to speak out. Here’s an excerpt:
I’m not stopping this because of the ridiculous amount of anonymous internet punter abuse I have received. I’m not stopping it because they hurt me, or scared me (like the threats to ‘out me’, heh), or anything else. They did do those things, but I’m perfectly capable of not letting some dick or dick-ess control my actions or how I feel about myself. I’m becoming okay with myself. I kind of like myself. So there.
But you know what, it is shit. It’s horrible to read such vile and personalised things. You practically spill your entire heart out and you get some dickhead punter getting off on hurting me, or scaring me, or upsetting me. I have to read them before I delete them you see. If someone is particularly unpleasant repeatedly I can ban them and they just end up in spam and then self delete, but I’d really prefer to just have let it all out so you could see all of it. Punters and others that used to be in my life are not going to be fully out of my life while I’m still online as this person that I was. I know it’s ‘me’ but it’s a certain part of ‘me’ that I’m supposed to be getting away from. The internet is the problem here, the anonymity, the speed of it, the paranoia and the interactivity.
I’m stopping writing this because it’s just too interactive. My heart would break to stop people from sharing whatever they want to say to me about their own experiences, so I didn’t want to just take off commenting entirely, but then it’s still too interactive. The interactivity of it is creating another weird secret world again, and I’m trying not to have a secret world. I am communicating with people here all the time, but it’s secret communication to the rest of my world. I am talking about issues about prostitution constantly. It’s in my head constantly. People who have been involved or are involved in the industry are also leaving messages. I always respond to them, I have time for everyone. My therapist says that it and the stuff I went through previous to it, is all consuming. And it is. Because I’m finally dealing with it. Writing this definitely helped get things out and get them out exactly how I wanted them to be out, but I think it’s over now. I’m always thinking about if a punter has left a stupid comment, or if any of my escort names have been discovered, or what I’ll write about next, and if I should delete that last one because it was too much emotional exposure etc. I did not realise at all how popular it would get. I had no idea. I was completely shocked by it. For nearly the whole month of February it got 1000 views a day. It freaked me out and amazed me at the same time. What is also amazing about it is how far it has travelled around the world. My favourite feminist blogger, Nine Deuce, likes it . Discovering that was a very proud moment.
- Looking for Unicorns: The Search for the “Happy Hooker” & the “Good Punter/John” (secretlifeofamanhattancallgirl.wordpress.com)
- Why Am I So Threatening? (survivorsconnect.wordpress.com)
- Thank You Letter to Punters (Johns) (survivorsconnect.wordpress.com)
- Look Behind the Closed Doors (survivorsconnect.wordpress.com)